I came to Ocean Sky at a time when I was thinking of what to do with my life. But before that, there were some areas in my life that I needed to put back on the right track, to put in order. I was aware that my inner self was going to be my source of strength and stability before starting anything new. I started taking important steps to do this and things seemed to do well until I faced the biggest and most difficult task: learning to forgive. Yes, I sought help but it seemed that the pain would remain forever in my heart. That was my state of being before I entered Ocean Sky.
Since the first session, Zen meditation became my daily source of strength and stability. The lectures clarified what areas in my life needed some attention and became a source of deep reflection for change. I became more alert, more positive in my thinking and feelings. And yes, the emotional pain that made it difficult for me to forgive has started to lighten up. My mind became more alert, even my own son noticed moments of distraction are now gone. Creativity and enthusiasm have come back, and I am really happier now.
In my three months of study, there were two high points that I would like to share with you. While I gained many benefits from the classes, the next step was to explore the other activities offered at Ocean Sky. On February 12, I attended the half-day retreat. Since this was my first time to attend the activity, I carefully followed the instructions and made sure that I stayed silent. While standing before the formal meal, as we silently said our vows, a subtle, gentle, yet powerful feeling of self- respect embraced my whole being. Then I became aware that I have not respected the sentient beings in the way that I was experiencing at that moment. I was moved to tears. I silently made a vow not to eat anything that is killed. When craving to eat meat comes, as it had been a habit for many years, I just go back to this powerful experience. This also brought healing to my broken relationships in the past, the return of my self- respect and my respect for them.
Another high point happened in the next half-day retreat in March 25, 2012. I realized that each and every activity that we were doing then, the chanting, prostration, the silences, and the meals are done with sacredness. That made me aware of the kind of life we have outside Ocean Sky, that everything we have, material resources, relationships, skills, time, our very life is sacred and have to be treated as such.
My being here is not an accident. It was meant to be. The new learning and realizations, and putting them into practice will be easier while being in this supportive community, the Sangha.