By Nancy L. Limso
Darkness. It is perhaps the word that best describes when I was at the lowest period of my life. I can clearly remember it. January of the year 2012, my husband passed away, leaving me and my 6 children in sorrow and distress. It is like the end of the world for me. All I felt was this emptiness that enveloped me. I was devastated. Everything was uncertain. The future seemed unclear. I was crying non-stop when my aunt approached me and said, “No matter how hard you cry, your husband will not come back.” It felt like a gallon of cold water was poured over me. I came back to my senses.
Little by little, I started to live my life the way it was again. Sometime in January 2014, a complete stranger by the name of Helen Go invited me to join the beginner’s meditation class in Ocean Sky Chan Monastery. I was amazed and inspired by the wisdom of Buddha’s teachings. From that day on, I grew fond and excited in attending classes so I did not want to miss any. I can say that it is really rare to find such a wonderful monastery in the Philippines. There is so much more to learn and I am always trying to catch the time to gain more wisdom. This helped me heal the pain, understand, and accept fully the loss of my husband. I realized after a while, it was like I was awakened. I have never felt so alive and happy. I never felt this enlightened.
In the past, I did not always look at things positively. Since coming to the monastery, I now look at life from a different perspective. It has taught me a lot. It taught me to be more mindful of my thoughts and actions. I had this gradual change of attitude wherein I became calmer, I improved my sense of reasoning and how I perceive and understand things. I became more concerned with other people’s needs. I have developed this sense of compassion toward all that has life and this sense of responsibility towards the needy and the deprived. The monastery made me realize that helping is not an effort or in any way a burden. It is a privilege. It is an honor to serve and I am always thankful every time there is an opportunity to do it. Indeed, serving is an effortless pursuit that gives me great fulfillment and happiness.
I devote myself to the monastery. I dedicate myself to always be of service to whatever the monastery may need as much as I can. In the office and at home, I share the Dharma teachings I learned from the Dharma talks of Shifu as my way of caring for them and helping them gain more wisdom. I invite people from the office and my friends to join the classes in the Ocean Sky. We do outreach activities for the abandoned children and for institutions that housed the old. For me, aside from monetary means, serving and helping others can be augmented by simply giving others your time, sharing your knowledge, wisdom and advice to those who needed it. Who would have known? Little things you share can mean the world to someone else in need.
When you light a lamp for others, you also get illuminated. I learned that by giving, you not only become the benefactor, you are also a beneficiary. It is by giving that you also receive. To benefit others is to benefit oneself. This belief and practice in the monastery transformed me. I can see myself tirelessly, uncomplaining and unceasingly serving with a smile on my face. Every now and then, I feel this indescribable and unexplainable joy overflowing in my heart where buying material things cannot even compare.
Though I am not expecting anything in return and I am not counting what I have given, I believe I am rewarded a thousand fold more than anything I have ever shared. I feel so lucky and blessed by the love of family, relatives and friends around me. My late parents being kind-hearted and charitable, my late husband being so loving, caring and generous, my children being so compassionate and filial, the supportive people surrounding me, financial stability, good health, and a happy life is all I can ever ask for in life. I am contented with what I am, what I have, and where I am now. I should continue to live in service to my fellowmen in the bodhisattva way, giving what I am and what I have whenever and wherever I can.
From the lowest point of my life when darkness filled me, I am so grateful to a complete stranger who lit a lamp for me. I also thank the Shifus for being the lamp that illuminates and inspires me. The Philippines is really blessed to have a zen center of Chungtai Chan monastery. Ocean Sky is my lamp and light. Now that I am illuminated, it is my turn to illuminate others as well. Thank you for giving me the chance to help and serve. Thank you for the opportunity to be a light.